At some point in a blog that concerns itself with stories of expat adventures, learning curves, woes and discoveries, one must tackle the idea of comfort zones.  We have done such a 180 in choosing to do this! Invariably with such extreme change, we’re bound to feel a little out of our element now and again,  falling down our own rabbit-hole and landing in Mexico, which often feels other-worldly.  Wishing to cope reasonably well with these seemingly seismic shifts has me seeking information; I have a desire to learn how others deal with being out of their comfort zones and have discovered that many have actually thought and researched a lot about this!  I want to know what is so-called “normal” and strategies for avoiding a total emotional “turtle”.  I want to help the kids to continue to gain resiliency skills, and not crumble.  Interestingly, when I first googled “comfort zones”, after Wikipedia’s literal definition of the concept (The comfort zone is a psychological state in which a person feels familiar, at ease, in control and experiences low anxiety and stress. In the zone a steady level of performance is possible), every other search result on the page suggested that it is important to strive to get OUT of one’s comfort zone.  Quotes from great thinkers about the value of breaking out of comfort zones are many.  Why is this?  I know that even when we were living out our lives in Canada, we’d often say, “We have to shake things up.  We’re in a rut.  We need a change.”  Why, if change is so damn hard, if it causes us stress and anxiety because we feel panicky and out of control, do we believe it is so important to achieve?  Mom teases me often, “Did you have to go all the way to Mexico to change things up?”  But comfort zones can’t be all bad, can they?  Surely it can’t be ‘good’ for a person to be in a perpetual state of flux?  Can we strive for a balance between comfort and stretch?

There is an overwhelming assertion that growth is not possible within one’s comfort zone.  And when I think about it, I’ve used the expression “vertical learning curve” every time I’ve done something new and unfamiliar (using it ad nauseum right now!).  And at the end of that learning, if I have indeed survived it, I have grown and gained new knowledge, new skills, new understanding. Another common thread throughout my reading was that one must feel very uncomfortable in order to grow.  Indeed, I remember the exact “ah-ha!” moment when I realized that this concept applies to my students’ learning.  Real learning begins on the very edge of understanding – in that uncomfortable, scary, unfamiliar place between not knowing and knowing, and that is a delicate point where you can either hook a learner or lose a learner.  In order for the learning to be achieved, in order for them to believe that they can leap for it, they must feel well supported and encouraged to “go there.”  And what an amazing sense of accomplishment they feel when they realize that they did something they weren’t too sure they could!  It’s amazing when, buoyed by their success, big or small,  they want to reach for the next star of their own volition.   In this context, I believe that it is very necessary to take even little steps outside of our comfy spots to stretch and learn and improve our understanding.

We have definitely knocked our comfort zones right on their heads.  In some ways, every day has provided some opportunity to climb at least one rung on that vertical learning curve.  Of course, thankfully time “served” is allowing us some familiarity with our new routine which is taking less energy to see through each day. Other things, however, are REALLY asking us to stretch.  Like when Mansell was scouted soon after starting at his new school to be on the swim team and to train for a tournament.  Cool!  That’s actually pretty neat.  What put ME over the edge was the fact that the tournament was to take place in a Mexican town a two hour flight north-west of where we are.  Quietly, in went my heels, halting the spinning out-of-control direction this idea felt like it was heading in.  We had only arrived three weeks prior to this.  I needed to know more.  I needed to check with American and Canadian embassies; is this a safe place they are asking me to give my permission for my kid to go to for five days?  Who is supervising the trip and can we trust them – we don’t really KNOW anyone yet.  Let’s pause for a moment…let’s reflect upon where we’ve come from… a tiny village in rural Ontario, a small, lovely little “farm” school with most field trips on yellow school busses to the local rural attractions, maybe a half-hour drive away, or maybe a big-deal trip to Toronto for the day.  And now, living in one of the biggest cities in the world the new school is acting as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to send groups of kids on PLANES to school events!?  I am SO out of my comfort zone on this one.  This is one of my babies we’re talking about here!  And truthfully, emotionally, with all the change we’re learning to cope with, all I want to do is keep everyone close…

However, rationally, I don’t want to model a whole lot of fear around new challenges or opportunities.  I could see how excited Mansell was to try this.  So decided instead to be that swan on top of the water, graceful and careful and calm, and have my own internal battle off-line.  We gathered all of the information needed to make an informed decision.  I made an appointment to meet the coaches so I could get more information, but more so I could get a feel for what they were like with the kids.  I attended the parent meeting and provided all the important information they might need to help my child if needed.  I insisted on full-commitment from Mansell and he attended all practices (2 hours daily) but one, as he had a school group project to complete.   I sewed Canada flag badges on his towels.  I watched the last few practices before he left; his swimming strokes looked great and he was having such fun with his new friends, teammates and coach.  He planned ahead and asked me to be sure that the laundry he needed was ready to go so he could pack.  He created a packing list and packed his own suitcase, checking off each item as it went in.  He had to carry his passport and money for all meals on him, so we had many discussions over the course of six weeks about security and enforcing the importance of keeping a document as important as your passport with you at all times.  SO much learning!  He was travelling without us for the first time.  And by the time the day of departure arrived, everyone was ready to see how this would all turn out!

And guess what?  He had a blast.  We did miss him, but we survived.  He now knows he can travel with a school group and work hard to represent his school.  We now realize that he is growing up and was ready for and can handle a challenge like this.

We all learned A LOT!

The Science of Comfort Zones