“Mom, it’s funny to think that not too long ago, I was SO wishing we were still going to Hillsdale.  And NOW, I love it here!” It’s worth noting, that is the sentiment today.  I am under NO illusions that this exchange will repeat itself tomorrow, or heck, even later this SAME day… That was a bubbly conversation with Caleigh that I enjoyed with caution on the walk home this afternoon.  I’m learning not to hang my hat on anything the kids say at this point as it always turns out to be so emotionally variable, and I’d have terrible whiplash by now if I did!  Today an “hilarious” moment shared with a new friend named Nicole was relayed and giggled about all over again.  Have to say that this exchange, however fleeting the feeling, makes me feel way less guilty than I normally do when the narrative is,”I HATE it here.  I wish we NEVER moved here!!  WHY did we have to move HERE?!” and usually part of a melt-down, complete with tears and heartbroken, accusatory looks generously cast our way.  Not sure it is possible to avoid feeling guilty about uprooting one’s family when these moments occur.  Taking them away from friends and family and familiarity.  “How COULD you?!” is the subtext in each of these exchanges.   Of course our human nature is to focus (er, fixate?) on the negative – remember that it takes three “positives” to erase a “negative”? – and so we find ourselves allowing them their feelings, but also working to eventually spin the story back to the positive things that are happening to them.  Of course, as much as we grieve what was, we need to allow the kids their grieving time too, and to be very patient throughout; don’t panic when it feels like it’s all falling apart and the seed of doubt about the sanity of the decision has been planted.  I guess the key is to NOT water that plant.  Allow it zero sunlight.  We are committed.

As much as we were very rational and calculated about doing this, ensuring we would be “set up” and supported by “the company”, when walking our Rosie the other night, Aaron and I had a good laugh about this very idea.  As much as we “thought” we knew what we were getting into, there have been so many head-scratchers and unexpected realities to navigate and cope with.  All we really know is that we’re going to have to just figure out how to make this work – especially now that we’re committed.  Have to make the most of this!

Hudson is actually having the hardest time adjusting.  He is just MAD: “Mommy, I’m so MAD at Spanish” has been an almost daily expression of frustration with not being able to understand all the Spanish chatter around him.  Very understandable in an immersion program that expects him to do all of his subject work in an unfamiliar language.  I knew he’d reached a breaking point when one day I walked into his room in the morning to ensure he was getting ready for school and he was still in his jammies in bed, muffled protests of “I’m NOT going to school today.  I’m SO MAD at school” coming from the covers over his head… It’s been a while since I’ve helped the kids physically get dressed, but I pulled out his uniform, and pulled back his covers and he cried and complained the whole time we slowly, one-item-of-clothing at a time, got him dressed… “Kids have to go to school” I calmly repeated. “If you keep getting up everyday and going, I promise it will get easier…”  Again the next day he was still in bed when I walked in and did help a little more to dress himself, but the intensity of his protests about school had not lessened.  Hence, the tune every morning… Fast forward three weeks to two days ago when I walked in first thing in the morning and he said,”Hola, como estas tu?”(Hi, how are you?).  I know I stuttered out a stunned response, “Muy bien, y tu?”(Very well, and you?) and stood in amazement as he replied, “Muy bien, gracias”(Very well, thank you)… And ever since, every time we meet, he greets us this way! He has really turned a corner (and is getting up on his own each morning). Adjustment is actually happening!  Credit is due to his lovely Spanish immersion teacher who is making his Spanish time very fun – last week they made donuts in class and are practicing new words through recipes and cooking.  Generous doling out of prizes for participation doesn’t hurt either!  Smart woman!

Other expat’s have asked Aaron,”Does your family hate you yet?” I think this took Aaron off guard, “You know, they blame you for everything?”  They continued to enlighten him – they blame you for every glitch, for their homesickness, for “doing this” to them, for every frustration and unexpected hassle.  I know this weighs heavily on Aaron, especially when each of us in turn indulges in normal transition meltdowns of grief or frustration.  I insist that WE made this decision, but he feels that it is HIS job that has sent us in this direction.  And that’s true…to everyone’s benefit, ultimately.  And that’s what families do.  We go where it makes sense, where the opportunities for career and personal growth are.  Matter-of-factly, this is what our family is doing right now.  It isn’t forever, and it may just turn out to be an awesome experience that will always cement us together.

Kids and families can be amazingly resilient.